Have you ever wondered what Star Wars would be like if it wasn't set in space. This is what Star Wars would be like if it was set in Scotland's largest city. 

Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5ft tall, come from Blackhill and be called Shug. He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and piss, and wear a Celtic top. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi would be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his friends. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as Wanky-Nobby 

Darth Vader would be referred to as 'Auld Helmet Heid' or in moments of stress 'That Dome-Heided Basturd' 

R2-D2 would refuse to go out on the streets at night because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or piss on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted, dumped in front of a speeding train or set on fire. 

C-3PO, although proficient in over 6 million languages, would still be unable to understand anyone from the East End of Glasgow. He would regularly get beaten up for being a 'greetin-faced poof fae Edinburgh'. 

The Millennium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record "I Love Glasgow" sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker. But you couldn't leave it parked in Govan, because it would end up on bricks. 

Princess Leia would be easily captured by Darth Vader, because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5 inch platform heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your arse every two steps. And you've been a heavy smoker and drinker since you were six years old. 

The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be :- 1) alter its orbit so it passed through Bridgeton and tell the locals it has a nice car stereo in it. 2) leave it unattended in Easterhouse. 

Lines from the films as they would be said in Glasgow 

Han Solo "I've got a real bad feeling about this"
"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy" 

"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
"Come right ahead then c**ts! Fight the f**ing lot o ye!" 

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
"Nae messin aboot wi the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man. Get yersel' a decent shooter" 

Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke in his TIE fighter
"The Force is strong in this one"
"Stop shooglin' aboot ya wee bastard!" 

Princess Leia
"You're a little short for a Stormtrooper aren't you?"
"Ah did'ny think they took short-erses in the polis?" 

"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
"Wuv goat NAE chance in this wee Nova" 

Admiral Motti
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
"You think you're that hard, Vader so ye do. Well we're no feart ae you!" 

Obi Wan Kenobi
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
"Whae's fartit?"